10 Feb Pre Marriage Counselling: The Key to Achieving Your #RelationshipGoals
The wedding date is locked in. Invites have been sent. And the day you agree to do life as a legally bound couple is fast approaching.
Preoccupied with planning your wedding, the thought of preparing for your marriage with pre marriage counselling may not have crossed your mind. You’re getting married, everything is good, the best it’s ever been in fact, so why would you consider counselling?
While you’re both feeling secure within your relationship and have oxytocin (a.k.a. the love drug) pumping through your veins, now is the best time to talk about future plans, tricky topics and the kind of marriage you both desire. Some couples worry that by opening up sensitive conversations on the important “stuff of life”, they might sour the happy engagement period. But sorting out the big questions about what a committed life together will look like can lead to some of the most intimate moments, bringing you closer during this exciting time. Putting in the effort now will plant the seeds for a strong and healthy relationship well into the future — giving you a better chance for a stable and satisfying marriage.
Here’s our (not-so exhaustive) ‘Top 5 list of things to talk about’ before you tie the knot to ensure you’re on the same page when it comes to the things successful couples navigate best:
- Children – do I want them? Do you? How many? When would we like to start? How do we envision parenting roles, split down the middle or one person doing more?
- Finances – do we want to merge them, or keep them separate? What level of affluence are we striving for? What debts or other financial obligations are we both bringing to this relationship and what is our plan to pay them off?
- Living Arrangements – what are our expectations around renting vs. buying? How will we split household tasks? Will the total amount of work, either at home or outside the home, be equal for both of us?
- Political & Religious Views – how do we reconcile our political and religious (or spiritual) views with each other? How important are politics and religion to us? What are our expectations about community involvement regarding politics and religious activities?
- Sex – are we happy with how often we have sex? Are we happy with the amount of variety and exploration we both have sexually? Have we told each other what we do and don’t like sexually? Are we committed to the type of relationship we both freely chose (i.e., monogamy, polyamory, etc.)?
This list might just scratch the surface, but it will get you and your soon-to-be to start talking about some of the more common pressure points couples often face. Discussing these issues ensures you’re well on your way for a deeper understanding of your relationship and readiness for a committed life together.
If you’re interested in our Pre Marriage Counselling Program, over 2 x one-hour sessions, you’ll be encouraged to discuss topics related to marriage, such as:
• Beliefs and values
• Roles in marriage
• Affection and sex
• Desire to have children
• Family relationships
• Dealing with anger
• Time spent together
A pre marriage counsellor can help you navigate these areas and potentially turn any issues into opportunities to strengthen your relationship. You’ll improve your ability to communicate, set realistic expectations for marriage and develop conflict-resolution skills. In addition, you’ll feel more confident to seek help down the road, should you ever need to.
By: Dr Elizabeth Landau & Natalie Claire King